The DNC and all you homos
Ok, I don't know what the homo part was about... but:
Good evening, America. I'd like to address my remarks tonight to Mr. Osama bin Laden. Buddy, you screwed up big time. Guess what, Amigo. I'm coming to get you. I'm not alone, either. The American people are right behind me. You see, you made a big mistake. If you had any brains, you would have challenged me to a game of Scrabble. Or maybe a Beard-Off. You might have won that because I don't have a beard. And when I do, it comes in patchy. But no, you messed up. Because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's punishing evil-doers. You don't believe me, there's over 200 guys in Texas you can ask. Well... you can't ask them right now, but you'll have a chance real soon. And I'm sorry I wasn't there to see your face when you went to the Kabul ATM to get some Quick-Cash. I bet it said "Insufficient Funds". That's right - we froze your assets. It probably ate your card, too. Make no mistake: we're coming for you, bin Laden. I'm gonna make you my own personal "Where's Waldo". And unlike those frustrating Waldo books, I'm gonna find you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe tomorrow. There might be special operatives outside your cave right now, who knows? Just remember, I'll see you real soon. Because you violated rule Numero Uno: You messed with Texas. That's right. Don't mess with Texas.
Will Farrell as W.
This brings up a good point... the DNC is happening and Kerry's probably going to get the nod from all those whacky lying democrats. Well when he does I suggest the first thing he does is challenge Bush to a debate. I want to see these two horse fuckers go toe to toe in a battle of thinking quick. Sometimes I look at Kerry and I know he's thinking "da dum, da dum, da dum dum" or "Oooompa loooompa doopidy dooo". But, we shouldn't misunderestimate him...